In this episode recorded in July of 2018, we interview Shayne Hefferon. We have begun a series of episodes entitled "Survive and Advance" where we look at the lives of survivors of addiction, illness and more. This episode is with Shayne Hefferon - co-manager of NJ204. She describes her recovery from addiction, warning signs of addiction and keys to staying sober. Are you or a loved one looking for help with your addiction? Please visit NA or AA for more details today.
| Episode Air Date |
Guest Name |
Guest Title |
Topic(s) |
| August 8, 2018 |
Shayne Hefferon |
Manager and Survivor |
Recovery from addiction, warning signs of addiction and keys to staying sober. |
Each episode of the Podcast is also available on iTunes and the Google Play store.
Transcription:
Chad Jordan: Hey everybody, this is Chad Jordan. I'm the Director of Marketing for Digital Services, here at Sport Clips. Have a very special hall of fame episode today and you'll see why as it unfolds, but before we get there I want to welcome today's guest, if I could have her say both her name and the store that she is co-managing right now.
Shayne Hefferon: My name is Shayne and NJ204, Mays Landing, New Jersey.
Chad Jordan: So she's a Jersey girl. I'm here at the Jersey Shore area, and today's podcast is going to be a series that we're going to do called "Survive and Advance," which is if anybody follows college basketball, it goes with the March and April tournament. Doesn't matter how a team wins, they just have to win and keep moving on. Survive and Advance becomes the motto. So what we're going to be looking at through the series of these upcoming podcasts is people that have overcome adversity, especially in the realms of addiction, and Shayne is one of my heroes.
I've heard her story a time or two. We're social media buddies, and I've drawn encouragement from her, so when we found out we're going to both be near the same place at the same time, we realized this would be the perfect opportunity to check in on her. On her recovery, on her story a little bit, and we're hoping that people will draw strength from this and find sources of inspiration.
Maybe you know someone who needs to get clean, who needs help, who needs to recover. Or maybe you yourself are that and your looking for just that extra little oomph to get going. So that why we have [Shayne a 00:01:48] here today, so thank you Shayne for being here.
Shayne Hefferon: Of course.
Chad Jordan: Oh by the way, I just want to put this out here, this is probably an adults only kind of session. If you got kids and you're listening in the car, we might talk about somethings that you might not want them getting exposed to yet. But speaking of children, I've got three, and you've got a couple-
Shayne Hefferon: Two, two boys.
Chad Jordan: And I was going to say little, but one of them -
Shayne Hefferon: One's 12, and Gannon is three.
Chad Jordan: And feels like they literally are your sun. Your earth orbits around these guys from what I can tell.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: They're at the center of everything that you do, and so I love your passion as a mom for them, so how is it being a mom and managing and handling ... you just moved into a new home recently, and all this stuff, how's it going? Your motherhood and your career at Sport Clips, how's all that going first and foremost?
Shayne Hefferon: It's all about balance. It's not easy, definitely. I work a lot of overtime. Some weeks we're short staffed, or the manager is the one that steps up, so I -
Chad Jordan: And the most requested stylist at her store, his or her store usually so yeah, you got a line out the door usually.
Shayne Hefferon: My kids are my world, but I don't have anything to support them without my job, so I'm also passionate about the work that I do and my clients are like my friends. My family, I look forward to seeing them everyday, and it's just balance. You have to make time for everything.
Chad Jordan: Yeah, and -
Shayne Hefferon: Schedule, and I have a village that helps a lot.
Chad Jordan: Yeah, you do. You've got a great store, team members, you've got a co-manager.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: Shout out.
Shayne Hefferon: She's with me, Lauren.
Chad Jordan: Shout out to Lauren, and can you speak a little bit, before we get into some of the tougher questions here, a little bit about the relationship with your team leader and how that kind of plays into the balance that you've been able to find.
Shayne Hefferon: She's definitely like my second mom. I got hired before the store was open, which I didn't even know when I got hired. I was like "Alright, when do we start?" And she's like "Well, we're building it." Like, oh, okay, but I always say, we grew up in Sport Clips together. She knows way more about business than maybe I ever will, but I just draw strength from her, and learned from her, and she -
Chad Jordan: Is she a stylist by trade? Or ...
Shayne Hefferon: No. She's an accountant by trade.
Chad Jordan: Okay, sorry we didn't mean to laugh at you Marjorie, but ...
Shayne Hefferon: That's her favorite line, when it's full and she can't help, she tells the clients "I'm sorry. I can't cut hair. I can't cut hair," but she is there through everything. She's been to my wedding. She's come to my housewarming party. She watches my kids. She's not just my boss.
Chad Jordan: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Shayne Hefferon: For sure.
Chad Jordan: I don't think she just watches your kids, I think she spoils your kids. I've see pictures -
Shayne Hefferon: She takes good care of them.
Chad Jordan: ... how they've been to the beach, you've been working, they're at the beach, they're at amusement parks together. It seems like it's a really close bonds and that's so sweet, so special to see.
Shayne Hefferon: Definitely. I'm blessed. I'll never leave. I told her today, because we were talking about passwords and people leaving, and I said "I'm retiring from Sport Clips. I'm not going anywhere."
Chad Jordan: Yeah, no, it's great that you guys have such a connection.
Shayne Hefferon: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Chad Jordan: So let's get into the story a little bit, because you're ... we won't say your age, you're in your 30s. You say you're not a millennial but I would disagree, but looking back, first of all, do you ever think you'd be here? You'd be alive at this stage in your life?
Shayne Hefferon: No.
Chad Jordan: That you'd be flourishing in a career.
Shayne Hefferon: No.
Chad Jordan: So why not? Tell me a little bit about your story, about your background, about what you've come from or come through.
Shayne Hefferon: I've been through a lot of things, but the thing that I thought would take me was definitely heroin. I was addicted for about I'd say, give or take, five years, -
Chad Jordan: Wow.
Shayne Hefferon: ... solid. Before that, dabbling. I've been clean for seven years now, so there's a lot of people that -
Chad Jordan: What's the date? That you celebrate every year?
Shayne Hefferon: July 8, 2000 ?...
Chad Jordan: Okay, but that's your annivers-
Shayne Hefferon: July 8th is, yeah.
Chad Jordan: That's your sober anniversary date. Okay, all right. And so now we're looking 12 years ago, right?
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: Say it was five, five years addicted, seven years sober.
Shayne Hefferon: Right after I had my first son, I started taking pain pills.
Chad Jordan: Okay, so that was going to be my question. What, without getting into all the details, what was the trigger? What ...?
Shayne Hefferon: I had taken them before. I was a partier, I grew up in the woods. We hung out in barns and drank, and got you know, just whatever we had. For most people that's experimenting and that's fun, and that's what it was until it wasn't. After I had ... thank you, after I had my first son I had a lot of back pain and somebody gave me some pills, that I have never had before, and they -
Chad Jordan: Were they prescription pills, that they had given you?
Shayne Hefferon: They were not my prescription, but they were somebody's, yeah, they were somebody's prescription.
Chad Jordan: So at the time you were able to justify, "Well I can take these. They're pain meds."
Shayne Hefferon: And I had taken them before, here and there. I had been prescribed them after I had my son too, from the hospital, and then it was take one you feel good, take one the next day you feel good, you take one the next day you feel good, and the next day you wake up and you don't have anymore and you're sick.
Chad Jordan: Yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: So it progressed from there.
Chad Jordan: Sick, and sick of the thought of I need something to get me through this.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, because you feel so good when you're taking them, so then when you don't have them you don't know how to feel good without them.
Chad Jordan: Yeah, this big void, and the pains intensified, right?
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: It's like worse.
Shayne Hefferon: Because your body can't produce it anymore. You kind of run it ragged.
Chad Jordan: So obviously you don't go from pain pills to heroin overnight.
Shayne Hefferon: No.
Chad Jordan: So can you walk us through what that journey was like, maybe the signs that you should have ... looking back now you're like "Man, I'm such a knucklehead. Why didn't I see that," but take us through that journey of getting from the pain pills. Now, like you said, you don't have one. And then that road to heroin addiction.
Shayne Hefferon: I was taking pills for a couple years. I would stop for a little bit. They were just so accessible then.
Chad Jordan: Were they effecting any part of your life? Like ...
Shayne Hefferon: When I was taking the pills, I hid it really well. I was a stay at home mom, so I didn't have -
Chad Jordan: I was going to say, you weren't a stylist at this point in your life?
Shayne Hefferon: I still was cutting hair. I have been licensed for 14 years.
Chad Jordan: Okay.
Shayne Hefferon: I did it while I was in high school, but after I had my son I stayed home. His father wanted me to, so I didn't have to worry about not showing up to work, so that didn't get effected. I didn't live with my parents anymore. I was able to maintain functionality, and just hide it. I was super mom, super wife ... not wife at the time, but I was taking care of everything because I had all this energy from the pills.
Chad Jordan: Now you say you were hiding it very well, in retrospect, were you? Did other people say "Listen, we knew you had a problem. We just didn't know how to confront you," or ...?
Shayne Hefferon: I think in the beginning, maybe the first year or two, I was able to hide it because I didn't really see my family too much. Like, it was just family events or whatever, so I'm sure my son's fathers mom, who I live with, knew something was going on. But if you were to have asked me then, no way I'm fine, I'm totally fine. Like it thought I was going to be able to take them forever, and that was -
Chad Jordan: So you didn't see a problem? At the time?
Shayne Hefferon: I did not.
Chad Jordan: You thought " This is how I'm going to cope with this pain-
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: ... and I can manage this."
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, because I was good at life, quote unquote, at the time so I thought "All right, I found the answer. This is how I'm going to be okay."
Chad Jordan: And are doctors prescribing them? Or are you still getting them from a secondary source?
Shayne Hefferon: I would get a lot of different prescriptions. Stimulants -
Chad Jordan: Legally?
Shayne Hefferon: Yes, stimulants, downers, pain pills, and then you know, of course off the street as well.
Chad Jordan: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Shayne Hefferon: And then I used to make fun of junkies, as I called them, and oh my god i would never ever do that, that's gross. That's street drugs, I wouldn't do that. I did get clean for a little while, and I meet an ex, and he was not recovering but not using, and he introduced me to heroin. He was doing it -
Chad Jordan: So was that really your first introduction to a hard drug? Or was ...
Shayne Hefferon: I had tried it one time before, way back in my experimental like high school, then I didn't like it at all, so that was the first time that I had done that with him.
Chad Jordan: And what about it this time convinced you, this needs to be part of my life?
Shayne Hefferon: Probably because I was used to the feeling I got from pills, and it was close, it mimicked that.
Chad Jordan: Yeah, and you're chasing that next-
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: ... buzz is the wrong word when it comes to that kind of stuff, but ...
Shayne Hefferon: It changes the paths in your brain. Once you're addicted to it, you know the paths just cross each other and the chemicals change, and it feels right.
Chad Jordan: It's not a joke, but in my household it's well known I love me some Mountain Dew, and so we will often talk about "Think how hard it is for me to go one day without it," almost impossible. I crave it, of the taste. I feel like "How far away am I from my ... am I near a 7-11? Or a refrigerator -"
Shayne Hefferon: I know that feeling.
Chad Jordan: ... that has Mountain Dew," so is that what addiction is like? Is it a part of ... is it panic? Like if you can't get your hands on it-
Shayne Hefferon: Oh my god, like multiply what you feel probably by a million, yeah. There's no way to describe it without having gone through it.
Chad Jordan: Yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: There's not question you're going to get it.
Chad Jordan: What were, now looking back, what were the signs that you're getting in too deep?
Shayne Hefferon: I got arrested, that was first. Like "Hello, I'm doing something wrong."
Chad Jordan: Okay, arrested while shooting up? While buying?
Shayne Hefferon: I was and I actually arrested right before I started doing heroin. I got arrested with a pharmacy in my purse.
Chad Jordan: Okay, okay.
Shayne Hefferon: All different kinds of pills, and I was also doing meth at that time, so I was really, really, really crazy and doing stupid things in a public place. Actually less than a mile away from where I work now. So I had -
Chad Jordan: Whoa, do you drive by? That ever?
Shayne Hefferon: I was at the tanning salon. I don't tan anymore, but I have gone there after, yeah.
Chad Jordan: Wow.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, I got clean where I used.
Chad Jordan: Wow.
Shayne Hefferon: So I got arrested and I got put on PTI, pre trial intervention. It's a gift from the courts, if you complete it you don't have anything on your record. If you mess up, you're screwed, which is what I did.
Chad Jordan: Okay.
Shayne Hefferon: I got clean, started using heroin knowing that I was going to probably get caught.
Chad Jordan: That was chasing you the whole time.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: You're looking over your shoulder, knowing -
Shayne Hefferon: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Chad Jordan: Right.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, so I diluted drug tests. I got away with it for a while. My older son's father called DYFS, so I had DYFS.
Chad Jordan: What is that?
Shayne Hefferon: Oh, it's different from state to state I guess. Like what they call Child Protective Services?
Chad Jordan: Yeah, Child Welfare Services or something.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: Okay.
Shayne Hefferon: So I had a case -
Chad Jordan: What's going on with you as a mom of a toddler at this point I mean, what is your-
Shayne Hefferon: I had shared custody with his dad, and his dad was more always like a friend. And he lived with his mom so I knew he was okay with her, he spent a lot of time with her. When I was good, I was fine with him and I still did all the things I do now as a real good mom, you know, attentive, playful, make sure he's fed, dressed, bathed, all that stuff, but when I was sick I was a different person.
Chad Jordan: Yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: I didn't take care of him.
Chad Jordan: So this is now seven, eight years ago.
Shayne Hefferon: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Chad Jordan: Does he ever bring up anything?
Shayne Hefferon: We talk, we're very open with each other.
Chad Jordan: Okay, all right.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: Walk me through that. Now that you're in recovery, you're full mode seven years sober, how has the relationship as a mom been able to rebound, get repaired? Help me understand that dynamic.
Shayne Hefferon: He's an old soul and ...
Chad Jordan: And tough and strong and everything that you want him to be. And so when you have these conversations with him, is he lashing out ever?
Shayne Hefferon: No.
Chad Jordan: Is he blaming? Is he-
Shayne Hefferon: No. His dad passed away from a heroin overdose. So-
Chad Jordan: So the fact that he has you still in his life, that cements it for him that "No, I'm the lucky on because I have Mom."
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, yeah. He tells me he's proud of me.
Chad Jordan: Yeah, I love that. And your littlest one, he's only known you this way.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: He's only known you sober.
Shayne Hefferon: Thank God.
Chad Jordan: And so I see your guy's connection.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, he's a mama's boy.
Chad Jordan: Talking about your son, your oldest.
Shayne Hefferon: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Chad Jordan: Was he your motivation then for getting clean or was it, "I don't want to be in jail the rest of my life"? What finally convinced you, "I can't keep living this life"?
Shayne Hefferon: Unfortunately, no matter how much you love somebody, whether it's your kid, which is obviously the greatest love, your kid, the person that you're married to, your parents, it doesn't ... I can't think of the word, not precedes, but over, it goes over top of that love. It doesn't matter how much you love somebody, it's just not a factor. And you get to the point where you know-
Chad Jordan: Well, I never knew that, I never knew that. You're telling me that bond isn't enough to get somebody clean?
Shayne Hefferon: No, it's not. For some people maybe.
Chad Jordan: Well, the reason I find that so interesting is because I've got people in my life, family members, that we're like, "Why can't they just ... Look what they have in us as family members. Are we not good enough?"
Shayne Hefferon: I know, yeah. I say the same thing when I see it with other people. It's very hard to understand unless you're in it.
Chad Jordan: And it breaks our heart thinking, "Do they not love us enough?"
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, it has nothing to do with that.
Chad Jordan: Oh, okay.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, absolutely not.
Chad Jordan: What does it take?
Shayne Hefferon: You get to the point where, number one, you don't know how to get clean so you keep getting high because when you're sick you're a bad mom or a bad friend or bad daughter. You have to be high to be functional, so that keeps you using because you don't have another choice.
I did ask to go to rehab after I was using heroin for about a year. I asked my dad if he ... Because I had a son so I needed someone to take him for a month, so I begged, I begged to go to rehab. And I went for a month and I was good for a while, but I didn't do the work on myself that you need to do. It's an inside job, you have to fix your soul. You have to change everything that you used to do and I didn't do that. So-
Chad Jordan: And is this a rehab, like you went, you stayed there-
Shayne Hefferon: I stayed there for a month.
Chad Jordan: Okay.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: I don't know if that's inpatient, outpatient?
Shayne Hefferon: Inpatient, yeah.
Chad Jordan: Okay, inpatient.
Shayne Hefferon: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Chad Jordan: But voluntary? You weren't-
Shayne Hefferon: Voluntary.
Chad Jordan: It's not like you were mandated?
Shayne Hefferon: No, not at that point. The child protective had wanted me to do outpatient and I couldn't stay clean to pass those drug tests, so I knew I needed to be inpatient. I did stay clean for maybe about six months that time and relapsed, and-
Chad Jordan: Are you relapsing into pain pills or are you just going straight-
Shayne Hefferon: Straight heroin.
Chad Jordan: Oh, okay.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah. Pain pills at that point were too expensive, it wasn't an option. And I was an IV user at that point, so sniffing something wasn't an option. I knew exactly what I wanted to do and that was it, there wasn't a question. Once that thought goes into your head, if you don't have the tools in your toolbox and you don't play the tape out, you're going for it and it's like that overwhelming, you can't shut that voice up.
Chad Jordan: Tools, what are the tools for you? Are they different for everybody?
Shayne Hefferon: For me, I ... Well, let me backtrack.
Chad Jordan: Okay.
Shayne Hefferon: Because after that I relapsed, I kept using, at this point I was on probation
Chad Jordan: Is your dad done with you at this point? He's like given you enough chances?
Shayne Hefferon: No.
Chad Jordan: Okay.
Shayne Hefferon: No, he always was there.
Chad Jordan: Okay.
Shayne Hefferon: I was on probation, I had ... Trying to think back, there's so many layers of the story.
Chad Jordan: Yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: I was on probation, I was kind of hiding from them and passing drug tests by faking it. And my probation officer had come looking for me and I also started stealing to support my habit.
Chad Jordan: Okay. And you already had a record that you didn't keep clean? Or you-
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, with probation you're going to have that charge. You can get it expunged later but I had like four felony charges.
Chad Jordan: Now, are you stealing from friends and family or are you breaking and entering? What's-
Shayne Hefferon: I robbed my mother blind. All of her jewelry that I could get my hands on.
Chad Jordan: Oh, wow.
Shayne Hefferon: I stole money from my parents, both of them. They were divorced but I separately stole money from them. I stole from stores all the time, that's what I got caught doing. I had a felony charge. And at that point it wasn't really about needing the stuff, it was fill me up with anything to take me out of myself.
Chad Jordan: Yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: Getting high wasn't enough, I needed something else. There was this void, just black, open, empty and it was fill it with feelings, rushes, any type of way I could get.
Chad Jordan: You didn't want to be alone with yourself.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: Right, yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, pretty much.
Chad Jordan: You didn't like what was in there and the thought of having to-
Shayne Hefferon: I wasn't-
Chad Jordan: ... face yourself and deal with those.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, yeah. I wasn't the person that I was supposed to be, used to be, anything. There was just a shell.
Chad Jordan: Yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: So I got arrested for that and that was another felony charge.
Chad Jordan: And you're not a minor anymore at that point, right? Yeah, no.
Shayne Hefferon: Oh no, I never was. When I started really using I was 20-
Chad Jordan: So this is serious business.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, mm-hmm (affirmative). To me at the time I didn't think it was-
Chad Jordan: No, you're still a kid, yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: It wasn't anything to me.
Chad Jordan: I got my whole life ahead of me.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, it was really like I just played it off like it wasn't a big deal. And forgetting that charge, I violated probation, which is a no-bail warrant. So once they find you, you don't get out until they say you can get out. The sheriffs came into my apartment and took me. Some people have that moment of clarity or they ask to go to rehab like I did before, that wasn't enough for me, that was my bottom. And every single person I was with that day is dead, all of them.
Chad Jordan: That you were partying with or hanging with?
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, yeah.
Chad Jordan: So you're literally the last one standing.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: That was my question that I always am interested in, that was your rock bottom? Was that your rock bottom moment?
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: Yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, for sure.
Chad Jordan: And would you say that an addict has to hit rock bottom and recognize that it's their rock bottom in order to eventually rebound? Or could you hit and just scrape by and eventually recover?
Shayne Hefferon: I wouldn't say that they have to have that instant, because if I were to say that night instantly, I was like, "I'll never do this again," it wasn't there. When I woke up the next morning I still wasn't sure where I was at. And for a couple weeks after that, the desire doesn't go away, I wanted to go home and use what I knew was left in my room. It took probably like a month and a half before I got offered my choices and I decided-
Chad Jordan: And you're locked up this whole time?
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, mm-hmm (affirmative). They offered me a year in jail or drug court, which is usually a five-year program. And at that point, thankfully ... Because I knew I could get out in a couple of months and be on parole, but I knew what I was going to do. I had to sign up for like a lifetime commitment of being in the system or go and die, that was my two options. Thankfully I sat for a while before they even offered it to me, because if they had done it sooner I would have picked to just get out as quick as I could.
Chad Jordan: Yeah, and gone right back and then like the rest of your friends are at this point.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: There's no way you're here, no way you survive, if you had taken that other option.
Shayne Hefferon: Mm-hmm (affirmative), yeah, for sure. I firmly believe that.
Chad Jordan: You hit your rock bottom, it's in a jail cell eventually, and you start a five-year ... What was it you were telling me?
Shayne Hefferon: I ended up graduating a little bit early because I had probation time in so they tacked that on for me, but it was like a three and a half year program.
Chad Jordan: Okay. And are they the ones who taught you ... You had mentioned tools in your tool box.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, mm-hmm (affirmative).
Chad Jordan: So walk me through that whole analogy and what they're teaching you while you're there.
Shayne Hefferon: Okay, okay. Anyone that thinks drug court is a set up, it's a gift. It's a gift because treatment is so hard to get and it's so hard to pay for, it's so expensive. So they pay for everything, it's a gift, it really is. And of course you have to pay your fines and stuff, but you don't pay back nearly what they pay for for you to get. I went to a 30-day treatment, I was in jail for like four months and they-
Chad Jordan: Is this county lockup or where-
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, county.
Chad Jordan: Okay.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah. I went to inpatient for 30 days, I went to a halfway house for three and a half months, and that is pretty much where I learned to live because you have to cook dinner, you have to help take care of all the women living there. You go and get a job, I worked at 7-Eleven.
Chad Jordan: Oh, all the Mountain Dew you can drink.
Shayne Hefferon: It was fun, it was fun. Yeah, I got free stuff. I brought stuff home for the girls every night.
Chad Jordan: Were you cutting hair, just say you know all the-
Shayne Hefferon: I cut hair in jail.
Chad Jordan: Okay.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, I was getting like noodles and pies and all that stuff. I never stopped cutting hair and as soon as you tell a group of girls you know how to cut hair, that's the first thing they want you to do, is cut their hair.
Chad Jordan: Oh, yes. Oh, for sure.
Shayne Hefferon: So I was always still cutting hair, and working at 7-Eleven.
Chad Jordan: Hashtag dream job.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, it was a dream job at that point.
Chad Jordan: Yeah, yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: It think going through what I went through, everything was a gift.
Chad Jordan: Right.
Shayne Hefferon: Because I didn't have anything, I didn't even have a fork in jail, you weren't allowed to have a fork.
Chad Jordan: Right.
Shayne Hefferon: You didn't have anything. You saved everything, everything that you got you saved, you hoarded, because you just didn't have anything. So you might need like MacGyver everything, you know?
Chad Jordan: Mm-hmm (affirmative), mm-hmm (affirmative).
Shayne Hefferon: Being in the halfway house taught me how to live. Meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings. NA, AA, whatever your flavor is, they all work.
Chad Jordan: Okay, yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: Getting a sponsor, working the steps. And step work, it's easy to just say, "Oh, work the steps," but step work is God first and then you work on yourself. You have to-
Chad Jordan: Some higher power.
Shayne Hefferon: ... find a higher power. Yeah.
Chad Jordan: Yeah, yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: And it doesn't have to be God, for me, it's God, it's the universe. I'm not religious, I'm spiritual, but for some people it can be their hero, it can be a tree that's giving ... It can be anything, but you have to believe there's something greater than yourself that ultimately has its hands in what's going on.
Chad Jordan: Right, right.
Shayne Hefferon: I firmly believe that.
Chad Jordan: Working things out, yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah. That's first and then you have to do the work on yourself, all the resentments of anybody that ever hurt you, down to like the third grade bully.
Chad Jordan: Right.
Shayne Hefferon: Everybody. You have to write it all out, you have to build relationships with people that have been doing it longer than you, and sponsorship.
Chad Jordan: Are you and your sponsor still communicating? Is that something that-
Shayne Hefferon: I do not attend meetings. I did do it for probably like four and a half years, very, very, very regularly. In the beginning, when I got out of the halfway house, I got a job at a salon under the table, because I had let my license lapse. If you don't have a job on the books with drug court they make you do five meetings a week. So for six months I was working full-time, going to drug court once a week, it was an all day thing, five meetings a week, plus three, three-hour IOP, which is intensive outpatient sessions, a week. All of that, just constant, constant, constant. And I do believe that some people can stay in NA forever, it works for them, more power to them. I took what I needed. I always tell people it re-raised me because I was raised well but then I forgot everything-
Chad Jordan: It unraveled.
Shayne Hefferon: ... I lost myself, yeah, everything. So I was re-raised in the rooms of NA and having lots of support from women and guidance and counseling and all of that stuff. I didn't do it to make it my life, I did it to get my life back. So I felt like I was to a point where I didn't need to go anymore and God willing, I know where I can go if I need to.
Chad Jordan: What's happening while you're in jail and while you're in the halfway house? Are you getting visitations from your son at this point?
Shayne Hefferon: When I was in jail, I opted for him not to come-
Chad Jordan: Because he's how old at that point?
Shayne Hefferon: Five.
Chad Jordan: Okay.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, he was five years old, he started kindergarten while I was in jail.
Chad Jordan: You missed that.
Shayne Hefferon: I didn't want him to see me through glass-
Chad Jordan: That memory, right.
Shayne Hefferon: ... I just didn't want that image ever. So he didn't see me ... I talked to him every day on the phone but he didn't see me at all and then-
Chad Jordan: Did you tell him at this point what's going on with mommy?
Shayne Hefferon: He knew where I was, yeah he knew where I was. At that point he probably just like ... He was there in the apartment complex when the cops came to get me and they were very nice to me, they treated me great, they let me get my stuff together, let me say goodbye to him and everything, but they actually waited-
Chad Jordan: Were you high at the time?
Shayne Hefferon: Of course, yeah there wasn't a time when I wasn't high, except when I was nodded out on my chest but they let me walk down the sidewalk so he didn't see me in handcuffs. They waited til I got to the car-
Chad Jordan: Oh man, that's amazing.
Shayne Hefferon: ... but obviously cops are here and mom's leaving, he knew I did something bad, he's seen cops on TV. Of course at that point, I couldn't really explain to him, but he knew that things were not good. I saw him while I was in rehab, he had visits while in the halfway house and then for about two years, I had signed over temporary custody while I was in jail and his dad had custody on paper, but it was always his mom that was taking care of him. So it took me a while to feel like I was stable enough, and had enough money, really because kids aren't free. So a stable place, a stable ... I had apartments, but I didn't want him to move from school to school. So that was home base and I would drive him from Ocean City to Mays Landing every morning. I had him a lot but I didn't have custody of him, it wasn't like ...
Chad Jordan: So how long is it before you feel you can trust yourself back as a full time mom being available in that way? Was it right away the minute you got out of the halfway house or did you have to get a better paying job? Did you have to prove to yourself, "I can go x amount of days on the outside world?"
Shayne Hefferon: The urge to use was lifted, probably sometime while I was in jail, probably around the time when I decided to take drug [inaudible 00:31:09]. Something greater than me just took it because it was there, it was still there and that's why I made that decision because I knew I still wanted to get high. But then I just prayed and prayed and prayed and it was just gone. I know it wouldn't have stayed gone if I didn't do everything I did after that, but it wasn't that desire ... I've been around it multiple times, I don't recommend that, but in situations with an ex, with this person, with that person and when you help people that are addicts, you're going to be around drugs at some point in time. So for me, I just didn't want to do it because I knew where it would take me. It wasn't just going to feel good at that moment and that was going to be it. That's not an option for me, I know.
Chad Jordan: What then is your armor? What's your safeguard when you're around all of this? I don't want to call it temptation, because I don't feel like you're on the slippery slope-
Shayne Hefferon: No.
Chad Jordan: ... but you're around familiar demons.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah.
Chad Jordan: So how do you put up with it when you're around it and say ... you know, just dismiss it?
Shayne Hefferon: I play the tape out and I don't ever forget how bad I was because I know that every time I've relapsed, it doesn't take me a while to get to the same point, I'm at that same point, pick up where I left off, and I get worse every single time. So I know there's not a one day option for me to just go have fun or whatever you would want to call it. Besides the fact that I'm so scared of what is out there now, seven years ago it wasn't the same ingredient or chemical, or whatever it is, death wasn't as prevalent then as it is now, not that it was okay then either. I'm terrified. I get sick to my stomach thinking about even touching it because I've heard of people overdosing from touching the wrong stuff. So fear, it's not fear based but-
Chad Jordan: It's a good motivator, yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: ... I'm scared, yeah. I'm scared to even touch it, beside the fact that I don't want to. I have a lot of people in my life that I've attending meeting with, either they still attend or they don't, but we still have that same bond and we're still clean together. I'm very transparent, extremely and I don't mince my words, I don't hide my story and I think that helps. Secrets keep you sick so I have a lot of people rooting for me.
Chad Jordan: Do you feel like ... and I'm going to wrap this up here in a little bit, and we're going to wrap it up on a high note by the way, a good note, no pun intended there. But did you feel like when you were addicted, were you blaming others for your addiction? Was it something inwardly? Did you ever feel like, "They got me into this?"
Shayne Hefferon: Not particularly, I think that some people can party and then wake up the next day and go to work and all week they're fine and then the weekends they party. I don't blame ... I chose, I didn't have to say yes to anything. I made the conscious choice to use whatever I was using at the time. Of course, at that time, I justified the hell out of it and blamed people in the way ... Like, "I can take what I want because they did this and they don't even care about me," and I justified a lot of things-
Chad Jordan: That's what I'm worried about, yeah.
Shayne Hefferon: ... yeah, but I don't blame anybody. If you blame people, I just learned this last week from somebody. If you blame people, even if they fix it, you're still holding on to that, "But I know what you did and I'm still blaming you." It's hurting you, the resentments, that's fourth step, you got to let go of all the resentments and I still do that on a daily basis, you have to. I need to keep peace in myself. Forgiveness is not for other people, it's for you because you have to walk around with it. You could hate somebody and they don't even know and you're hurting over it. So I've just ... you know, the daily reprieve, I don't ... Everything I learned in meetings and the program itself is still here, just because I don't go, I still know everything that I learned and I use it.
Chad Jordan: What's the best tool in your toolbox? Your go-to tool?
Shayne Hefferon: Humility. Humility is probably the biggest one.
Chad Jordan: Okay, can you explain that a little bit for me?
Shayne Hefferon: Like I said earlier, just never forgetting where I'm only one bag away all the time, from where I was and I'm snapping my fingers, it'll go that quick. I can't forget, and I do forget sometimes because life is good now, so it's easy to say like, "I've got this, I'm fine." But I can't, I can't ever forget that. My second one would be my peoples that I talk to. I vent, and vent, and vent, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk because that's where the answer always lies. I can usually answer my own questions if someone listens to me long enough.
Chad Jordan: I like it. All right, before I wrap this up. You got nothing to be ashamed about.
Shayne Hefferon: Thanks.
Chad Jordan: Got a lot to be proud about.
Shayne Hefferon: Thank you.
Chad Jordan: We're proud of you.
Shayne Hefferon: Thanks.
Chad Jordan: What are you most proud about, given where you're at at this point in your life?
Shayne Hefferon: I feel kind of shallow saying a material thing, but probably being a homeowner.
Chad Jordan: No, you're sitting in jail 10 years ago and you're thinking, "A decade from now I'm going to be a homeowner."
Shayne Hefferon: I wanted to die, I didn't want to live, so everything really is a gift because I didn't even think that I deserved ... I was hoping every time I got high that I would die, so anything now is like, "Wow, look at that." But I have a big home and it's beautiful and I have a huge backyard, my kids love it and they're happy.
Chad Jordan: And you can see deer.
Shayne Hefferon: Yes.
Chad Jordan: Yes.
Shayne Hefferon: I have like 15 deer in my backyard everyday, I have chickens.
Chad Jordan: You have a pool.
Shayne Hefferon: I have a pool.
Chad Jordan: That you can now swim in.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, I've done a lot of work.
Chad Jordan: Had some chemical issues, heading into the summer but you figured it out.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, it's a good life.
Chad Jordan: Well, it is, you made a good life and it certainly could have gone a number of different ways.
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, I'm not a statistic.
Chad Jordan: You're not. Let's hope you become a new statistic, of the survivors-
Shayne Hefferon: I hope so.
Chad Jordan: ... and that dominates.
Shayne Hefferon: I hope that number keeps increasing.
Chad Jordan: Can I, I always ask 10 questions at the end of a podcast, I'd like to do it today too.
Shayne Hefferon: Okay.
Chad Jordan: I can't ask follow-up questions like I have been, I've just got to ask them. I don't think you know these questions. So are you ready?
Shayne Hefferon: Okay, yeah.
Chad Jordan: Okay, then we'll finish with this, okay.
Shayne Hefferon: Okay.
Chad Jordan: Which super power would you most like to have?
Shayne Hefferon: Invisibility.
Chad Jordan: Invisibility. What is your personal motto?
Shayne Hefferon: Stay strong.
Chad Jordan: Stay strong. Other than where you live now, which you've just talked about how amazing it is-
Shayne Hefferon: Actually, I want to change my personal motto.
Chad Jordan: Okay.
Shayne Hefferon: I got this.
Chad Jordan: I got this, all right.
Shayne Hefferon: That is, it's on my bracelet.
Chad Jordan: All right, it's not a tattoo?
Shayne Hefferon: Huh?
Chad Jordan: Not yet, it's not a tattoo?
Shayne Hefferon: No I have a lot of words on me, not that one.
Chad Jordan: Hashtag I got this.
Shayne Hefferon: I have "no regrets" on my foot.
Chad Jordan: All right. Other than where you live now, where else in the world would you most like to live? You have the whole world to choose from.
Shayne Hefferon: I'm a homebody, I don't want to go anywhere else, is that an option?
Chad Jordan: Yeah, it's an option.
Shayne Hefferon: That's my serenity.
Chad Jordan: Yeah. Who is the celebrity you'd most like to meet one day?
Shayne Hefferon: Ryan Reynolds.
Chad Jordan: Ryan Reynolds, cool.
Shayne Hefferon: He's hot.
Chad Jordan: Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Shayne Hefferon: Like, literally.
Chad Jordan: Wait till you see the transcript for this podcast, it'll probably have a number of those. Which sound or noise do you love?
Shayne Hefferon: My kids laughing.
Chad Jordan: Which sound or noise do you hate?
Shayne Hefferon: Them screaming.
Chad Jordan: I was going to say, "Them fighting."
Shayne Hefferon: Yeah, that too.
Chad Jordan: What profession, other than your own, would you have been good at or at least have wanted to try?
Shayne Hefferon: A lawyer for sure.
Chad Jordan: I was thinking 7-Eleven owner.
Shayne Hefferon: Oh, I don't want to own anything, I know that side of things.
Chad Jordan: Okay, what do you consider your greatest achievement?
Shayne Hefferon: My babies.
Chad Jordan: If heaven indeed exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
Shayne Hefferon: "I'm glad you made it."
Chad Jordan: We're glad you made it, glad you made it here, glad you're part of Sport Clips, we could have gotten into so many different things, how you got to Sport Clips, how you got hired, but I basically wanted to hear from you on your hard time, on how you're here and we love you and appreciate the time today.
Shayne Hefferon: Thank you.
Chad Jordan: Thanks for joining us.
Shayne Hefferon: Thanks so much.
Chad Jordan: Thanks everybody, we'll do this again and it's been another edition of the Sport Clips Hall of Fame podcast, hope you tune in next time. Bye.